Sprinkles

Sprinkles. What is so cool about sprinkles? No, not the chic cupcake shop in Beverly Hills, but rather the little cylindrical sticks that you can put on top of your ice cream to make it “look pretty,” as the customers say. Sure, they’re colorful, and a little crunchy, but do they add anything to the quality of your ice cream? You only get them on the top layer of the ice cream, and once you lick them off all that’s left is the original ice cream.

Sprinkles to me are like showing off a new outfit, you put it on to impress others. Now the unique aspect about the sprinkles in our parlour, is that you can get an individual color of sprinkles on your ice cream rather than your average rainbow variety or simple chocolate. This fact is a huge hit with little kids whose favorite colors are pink, green, etc, and it even attracts some adults, especially in the late-night munchies crowd, who want to try them out.

Typically, when we hand over the cone to the customer with the solid color of sprinkles coating the top, we get a resounding “oooohhhh, aaaahhhh, look at that!” Sure, they’re snazzy to look at, but honestly, they all taste exactly the same, and they just have a waxy texture that detracts from the flavor of the ice cream. So really, what’s the big deal?

If you feel like you need to enhance what is underneath the sprinkles, then why pick that flavor in the first place? You are eventually going to get down to the core of the ice cream and you are going to have to like what’s inside in order to enjoy your dessert; otherwise, you just wasted all of that money for nothing. If you feel the need to mask your go-to flavor with sprinkles, then maybe it’s time to rethink your taste.

Sprinkles only last for so long, and some people understand this reality and therefore ask for extra sprinkles on the bottom. These people are the best actors because they know how to beat the superficial system. The average customer ultimately reveals the original ice cream and ends up with a clean slate. The sneaky customer, however, gets around this inevitability by adding more, so they never have to deal with just the fresh ice cream. Why do so many people feel the need to hide their ice cream? Don’t you want to enjoy the creamy, savory, sweet ice cream for what it is rather than lather it in a miniscule thing that gets stuck in your teeth?

And there’s something else that gets to me: sprinkles are a nuisance. They get stuck in your teeth, they fall off everywhere, and they make you thirsty. Sprinkles are really a lot of work if you think about it. You have to be willing to deal with them and their uncomfortable traits, and I wonder if they are really so amazing as to be worth the hassle. After you finish eating, you are obliged to check your teeth because you know that there is at least one rogue sprinkle stuck in between your teeth somewhere, and someone is going to see it sooner or later and you will be embarrassed. Ironic, isn’t it, that the thing that makes your ice cream more aesthetically pleasing can turn you into something very un-aesthetically pleasing? Moreover, they make a mess. Sprinkles don’t stay in place and you have to continuously work at keeping them in line, until you finally eat them all and then you are left needing a glass of water to wash down the residue.

Aside from all of the intensive labor involved in so-called enjoying sprinkles, the fact of the matter is that they cost more. Interestingly, people seem to expect them to come with their ice cream. Apparently, every other frivolous accessory in their life came free, so sprinkles should as well. Guess what, folks? Sprinkles are a topping, toppings cost extra, so yes, sprinkles might just break the bank if you’re not careful. It’s always interesting to see how many times a night we will hand over an ice cream and the customer will say, “can I just get some sprinkles on this?” To which we reply, sure, we’ll just add that here… and when they hear they are going to have to pay more they hurriedly call out “oh never mind then!” It is hard to tell if they are trying to pull a fast one on us and get by with free sprinkles, or if they are truly oblivious to the fact that each item costs money. Let’s put it this way: do your socks come free with your shoe purchase?

Many people do not mind spending the money or the energy on sprinkles, but others cannot be bothered, and I applaud those who choose not to deal with sprinkles because they are unnecessary to your delectable ice cream, and to your wallet. I say enjoy the ice cream for what it is and leave off all of the other stuff, because at the end of the day the sprinkles are gone anyway and you have to like what you started with.


Still Screaming